2.02.2017

Trying to not be a dick....

You know whats hard to do?

Take your time. In dating I mean.

Its necessary, but hard, and you always feel hella effing guilty about it. Like you're being a royal dick for not knowing, or wanting to be sure, or just trying to figure out your own feelings. You're not, but it comes across that way. And it sucks.

Like on the one hand, its critical to not get out of something before its had the chance to be all that it can be and you're totally positive that you've given it all you have. But then, on the other hand its like, maybeeeee if you have to do that much its a sign?

And that's where feeling like a piece of shit comes in. Because you don't want to waste someone else's time, and you really don't want them to feel like they aren't whatever enough to for you to make straight decision on, but - you need to be sure! And if that takes a month, or two... or three, well then, so be it. (Right?!) You need to know that you won't walk away with regrets of not trying enough, or rushing to any judgement too quickly.

Its a tricky thing. I was talking about this with my friend the other day and we were comparing notes. She's seeing a new guy too and taking it slow (very slow), deliberately. Annnd... I kinda get it.

Stuck somewhere in between love needs time to grow and chemistry is either there or its not.

And if that sounds crazy, maybe it is. But then, when you look at past results and how every guy you've dated or seen lately who's driven you mad with attraction has been some form of emotionally unavailable and a total jerk, so... why not try to be sure?

I think it's really just a matter of needing to rewire circuits, to learn to how to be turned on by a good guy, for once.

And try desperately not come off like a dick in the process.


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