There is a fine line between being open and vulnerable and being... well, foolish, I guess.
And I need to learn it.
Because even though it's taken me a long time to open up again, and learn that giving love is ok and doesn't cost me anything, I can't just be giving it to people who don't appreciate it's worth. To people who say they want it, say they need it even, but don't reciperorate it.
...who can't even send a text back, literally.
This is where I need to assess how and where I'm dispensing my energies. And I don't want to think of love as an exchange or trade, like I give you some therefore you owe some back to me, that's not how it works and it's not how we should think it does. But, at the same time, giving and giving and giving, to one person or several, and not getting any back... sucks, simply put. I need to look at things more clearly I think, just be a little more clear eyed and realistic with my expectations, from who. (But like, I literally go into everything so laid back and open,and unattached to results; I don't want to become afraid of just hoping.)
But that's the lesson I guess. Love is free, and often those who need it most are those who aren't in a place to give it back. I just need to make sure that I'm giving it to me too. That for every ounce I give away - freely, without expectation - I give two ounces to me, acknowledged and appreciated. Because I'm someone I can count on at least, I just need to let myself.
I'm so ready for someone to not be scared with me... so ready.