Given the context of what I usually write about - the universe and my broken love life - this post may seem random. But as I sit here trying to re-vamp (read: literally just start) my social media accounts, searching for interesting post content (specifically MCMs because who doesn't love to look at a pretty face), I can't help but get lost in this fantasy.
Also why not -this shit is fun.
So, in no particular order, here we go:
1. Tom Hardy
I mean, I don't usually do vanilla, but when I do its this look, head to toe. Beard, slightly scruffy, tanned, tatted and hiding ridiculousy beautiful boyish good looks.
2. Cam Newton
Cam, sweet, sweet Cam. Two words: That. Smile.
Also, those arms.
Also, that jawline.
Also... those arms.
(what, I didn't say only two words.)
Because he is the definition of tall dark and handsome. And that, mixed with the salt & pepper and the Hackney accent - girl, don't tell me God isn't good to you.
Yes, I'm aware that this is a character and therefore not a real option but how else do you get Idris on here twice? Also he is troubled and so desperately in need of a woman's love. I can be that woman.
5. Drake (with weight)
I saw Drake once in a restaurant in Toronto and for like 3 solid seconds we eye fucked. He couldn't really look cuz he was siting with a girl friend - not girlfriend, I refuse - so it was one of those I'm-tryna-be-discrete-here-but-gotdamn-I-see-you-still looks and alas, I was inseminated. Baby Drakes swim inside me.
6. Jason Momoa
Bruh, I have your Khalisi right here, son. Moon, stars, horse-drawn chariot and all.
7. Jamie Oliver
Only because he genuinely seems like one of the nicest guys ever and makes cooking look really fun. I don't think he's particularly funny or all that interesting to be honest, but then again, I'm probably a lot jollier on a full stomach anyway. Also, he seems like a great dad.
Speaking of (hot) dads...
8. Brad Pitt
Any hairstyle. Any age. Any day. 12A+ gold stars on 10.
I think that's it, I'm not even at ten but no one is else is coming to -
9. Jessie. Fucking. Williams.
How did I almost forget. Preaching those soulful messages of divine enlightenment right into the depths of my heavenly womb. If I can't have a man like this myself then by God, I will make sure to create one, to bless upon future generations. (Because let's face it, they're fucked.) More men like this, please. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Alright, now I'm done.
Author's note: Wine may or may not have been consumed while writing this post. (Ok, it was definitely consumed, but how much I'm not sure.)