I hate crushes, I really do.
I mean I love them but, the torture of it all - it tires me.
Because there is only so much mild flirting a girl can do. I mean really.
It's been 4 weeks (ish), and I feel like I've aged about ten years. And I don't have ten years. Hell I don't even have ten more days.
And like, a part of me is thinking just enjoy the process. Don't rush anything, just take the butterflies and the liking of each other's pictures and semi-flirty text messages for what they are because you never get this - but then the other part of me is like what are you fucking twelve? Get your answers, decide if this is a yay or a nay and move the fuck on with it already, your eggs are shriveling. (she usually wins.)
So I go through this yes-I-have-time-for-this-I'll-just-be-vulnerable-and-show-him-I-like-him then fuck-this-you-don't-need-to-prove-yourself-to anyone-he-doesn't-know-what-he's-passing-up-on roller coaster by (what seems like) the hour.
The shitty part is, I think it's more of a nay... but only because I don't know it's a yay. And while it doesn't feel like that's enough to judge off of, I think it is. Like, if it was on, I would know. But I don't, so it's not. You know?
Yeah, crushes suck.
And he was so cute too.