I hate crushes, I really do. 

I mean I love them but, the torture of it all - it tires me.

Because there is only so much mild flirting a girl can do. I mean really. 

It's been 4 weeks (ish), and I feel like I've aged about ten years. And I don't have ten years. Hell I don't even have ten more days. 

And like, a part of me is thinking just enjoy the process. Don't rush anything, just take the butterflies and the liking of each other's pictures and semi-flirty text messages for what they are because you never get this  - but then the other part of me is like what are you fucking twelve? Get your answers, decide if this is a yay or a nay and move the fuck on with it already, your eggs are shriveling. (she usually wins.)

So I go through this yes-I-have-time-for-this-I'll-just-be-vulnerable-and-show-him-I-like-him then fuck-this-you-don't-need-to-prove-yourself-to anyone-he-doesn't-know-what-he's-passing-up-on roller coaster by (what seems like) the hour. 

The shitty part is, I think it's more of a nay... but only because I don't know it's a yay. And while it doesn't feel like that's enough to judge off of, I think it is. Like, if it was on, I would know. But I don't, so it's not. You know?

Yeah, crushes suck.

And he was so cute too.


  1. Especially at my age ( mid-30's I look 25 black don't crack) either you know or not.. you are in or you are out!!no need for all those games. it should be so simple.

    that's my opinion !!
    keep it up!

    1. Black don't crack is right - thank god. But yeah, no more games, that's the motto these days.

  2. So what do you do ? Do you wait ?
    I want to send him a text and be clear, but I am scared it's to early or he might think I am crazy ? (after two weeks of texting back and forward EVERYDAY - EVERYMINUTE and seeing each other every two days - for lunch and to catch the sunset and for brunchs - He seems to be a good feet, but I am to scared to ask him what does he really want...

    1. Ok, so here is my advice: If you know what you want with someone and not saying it is driving you nuts - yes. Say it. Get it out, express yourself (because its positive energy anyway) and get your answer. Always.

      But if you're scared - or feeling like its going to make you look crazy - ask yourself WHY you're feeling that. Is it because there is something telling you that you might be misreading this? If you're on the same page, his energy in this is matching yours. Simple. His time and effort to learn you syncs with your time and effort to learn him. You are equal; in initiation, vulnerability, kindness, calls, plans, caring actions - it should all match up. Timing becomes irrelevant ife you're running togther.

      And if you really can't tell, well honey, find out.