11.25.2015

A mile in her shoes...

Ok, I'm really not trying to sound too depressing here, I swear, but this is just kind of where my head is at lately. I'm healing (or trying to), and that requires a lot of deep thought and reflection. I need to go here - to explore, to get in there & deal with it all in order to put away. So just, bear with me.

You know how sometimes in the movies or on TV when they do the whole love triangle storyline and depict "the other woman" as this pathetically angry, jealous, loser who can't get over it, and you hate her and are just like "I don't get why she doesn't just suck it up and move on already? Like, stop crying like a bitch, get over it, girl. It was never going to be you." ...?

Well - I get her now.

I mean, I am her (or, was her) - but I really get her, now too. And what's crazy, is how accurate those emotions & depictions really are.

But also, how unlike what you think its about it actually is.

To make one thing clear - she's not crying over him. No. Trust me, she realizes the type of man he is (and I use that term very loosely). She's also very likely aware of just how lucky she is to be out of it, grateful even, that when it came down to it, she had the sense and resolve (albeit with great help) to have gotten herself out of that situation. Because the pain of the alternatives - being the girl who's resigned to being his "main" chick, but not his only one, or one the bunch - is too unbearable for words. No, she's very clear that this is not a person who knows what it means to love, and subsequently give your life away to - she's not crying about that.

What she is crying about is the 10 months (or you know, wtv) she lost. And not like 'oh snap, I gave that loser too much of time' lost, no - it's much deeper than that. It's ten months of genuine love, and time, and care, and putting him first - before herself -  that is essentially erased. Ignored. Unacknowledged. Covered up even. By the same person who, months - hell, even days earlier - was professing his love to her. Talked about planning a future with her. Brought home to meet his family. It's all the time and love she gave, in a thankless and respect-less position for what she thought was sacred, or at the very least true, and worth the weight of the shame.

That, and the embarrassment of having been so fooled, so hurt, by someone so clearly not worth the salt in her tears. A person who after months of working to convince her to take down her walls and trust in his love, trust in his promises - turned around and denied it all. Claimed it "meant nothing". Reduced her - them - to nothing more than "a mistake".

That, my friends, is the source of the all the tears; of all the anger; of all the jealousy.

Because those 10 months meant something to her. They existed for her. Unlike him, they weren't her escape from real life - they were her real life. And here she's left picking up the pieces. Having to answer for them, everyday, to herself and others. Proof of her pain. And there he is, bearing no mark or burden. His life continuing on as it was, all forgiven and forgotten because of two words. Because that's just how he is.

That's what fucks her girl up. Believe me.

...

But like with anything, time will mend her wounds. And she knows that too. It's just a matter of getting there.

So yeah, the next time you see that woman, maybe just give her a break - or at least a second thought. Because she might be the only one who's actually living with the truth. Dealing with it. Owning it. And that's a lot to process.

5 comments:

  1. I think its important to remember that you are not this person. It's something you did, but its not who you are. We make mistakes, but they don't define us.

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    1. I couldn't agree more. I just had a moment the other day where I realized that. I haven't written about it - but you just reminded me I should!

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  2. Reading this is post is challenging me. I can relate to it so well, but for a different reason. I felt like this after I found out my ex was cheating on me repeatedly with some girl he works with (they are now together). We're on opposite sides of this issue, your that girl, and yet, I totally get where you're coming from and find myself sympathising. Strange that. I guess it just goes to show you that love is love and hurt is hurt, whatever the circumstances.

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    1. I really appreciate that. And I admire that you are able to see over, past the hurt, with such clarity. That is strength.

      You will be so fine.

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    2. Annonymous sorry u feel that I think even wif more clarrity as time passes it can catch ya out an hurt like hell.

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