11.25.2015

A mile in her shoes...

Ok, I'm really not trying to sound too depressing, I swear, but this is just kind of where my head has been lately. I'm healing (or trying to) and that just requires a lot of deep thought and reflection. I need to go here, to explore, to get in there & deal with it all in order to put away. So just, please, bear with me... (love you forever)

So you know how sometimes in the movies or on TV when they do the whole love triangle storyline and depict the other woman as this pathetically angry, jealous, loser type woman who can't get over it, and you're just like "I don't get why she won't just move on already, like stop crying b*tch, get over it, it was never going to be you girl, bye!"...?

Well, I get her now.

I mean, I am her, but I really get her, now. And what's crazy, is how accurate those emotions really are.

And let me just make one thing clear, she's not crying over him. No. Trust me, this girl realizes the type of man he is (and I use that term very loosely). She's also very likely aware of just how lucky she is to be out of it, grateful even, that when it came down to it, she had the sense and resolve (albeit with great help) to have gotten herself out of that situation. Because the alternative means being the girl he continues to use as a doormat; the one who is satisfied being his "main" chick, but not his only one. She's very clear that this is NOT a person who knows what it means to love, and subsequently, sign your life away to. No, believe me, she's not crying over that.

What she's crying over is the 10 months (or you know, wtv) she lost. And not like 'oh snap, I gave that loser too much of time' lost, no, it's much deeper than that. It's ten months of genuine love, and time, and care, and putting him first - before herself -  that is essentially... erased. Ignored. Unacknowledged. Covered up. By the same person who months, hell even days earlier was confessing his love to her; talked about planning a future with her; brought her home to meet his family, and spend time with his girls. It's all the time and love she gave, in a thankless and respect-less position for what she thought was sacred, or at least true, and worth the weight of the shame.

That, and the embarassment of having been so fooled, so hurt, by someone so clearly not worth the salt in her tears.

A person who after months of working to convince her to take down her walls and trust in his love, trust in his promises - turned around and denied it all. Claimed it "meant nothing". Reduced her, them, to a "mistake".

That, my friends, is the source of the all the tears; of all the anger; of the jealousy.

Because those 10 months meant something to her. They existed for her. They weren't her escape from real life, they were her real life. And she's still picking up the pieces. Having to answer for them, everyday, to herself, and to others. Proof of her experience. And yet, he bears no mark or pain. No burden. His life continues on as it was, all forgiven and forgotten because of two words. That lie. Because thats just how he is...

And that'll fuck a girl up. Believe me.

...

So yeah, the next time you see that woman, maybe just give her a break, or at least a second thought.  Because she might be the only one who's actually living with the truth. Dealing with it. Owning it. (Or trying to). And that's a lot to process. 

4 comments:

  1. I think its important to remember that you are not this person. It's something you did, but its not who you are. We make mistakes, but they don't define us.

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    1. I couldn't agree more. I just had a moment the other day where I realized that. I haven't written about it - but you just reminded me I should!

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  2. Reading this is post is challenging me. I can relate to it so well, but for a different reason. I felt like this after I found out my ex was cheating on me repeatedly with some girl he works with (they are now together). We're on opposite sides of this issue, your that girl, and yet, I totally get where you're coming from and find myself sympathising. Strange that. I guess it just goes to show you that love is love and hurt is hurt, whatever the circumstances.

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    1. I really appreciate that. And I admire that you are able to see over, past the hurt, with such clarity. That is strength.

      You will be so fine.

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