9.08.2015

Looking back...

They say that your 20s are for fucking up, and your 30s are for hunkering down and getting shit done. I don't know how much science is behind that, but I figure I might as well go with it, since everyone else is. (Normally, I would say thats not any kind of reason to do anything, but this is overall positive in nature, so i'll allow it.)

In that vain, I thought it might be good to apply that philosophy to this lil 'ole blog of mine too.  

I have been plugging away at this for some time now. As a side project, a hobby, my own little make shift therapy couch where I vent about my life and all the ups and downs openly and honestly for all the world to see. 


But never have I really taken the time to be all that serious about it. Its been here, and you've been here, but I haven't. And I think it's time that changed.

So, I'm gearing up for a re-launch. I have the time, I have the stories, I have the talent. I just need to take all that and make a real go of it. In preparation, I've been going through all (yes ALL) of my old blog posts over the years (283 to be exact) editing and removing* posts along the way to clean things up, and I've noticed 2 VERY recurring themes:

1) I always say I need to be more selfish and focus on me and my wants - but I don't seem to actually be putting it into practice much. I'm always complaining about how I'm compromising myself for the guy(s) I'm dating, and how dissapointed I am in myself for doing that. 

That's a problem. I wouldn't allow my sister or best friend to do it, so why am I allowing me to?

2) I'm constantly looking down on myself, and looking at my life from a negative perspective. Judging myself, and my success, by what I haven't done, and what I can't do. 

I mean it's one thing to be real and acknowlege your faults - but I don't need to be so hard on me. And I have a hell of a lot of credit due to me as well; I've been through A LOT of embarassing and painful  moments. And yet, each day, I wake up ready to throw everything I have at the world with my whole heart. Thats awesome.

Gosh, its amazing what you can learn about yourself when you just write things down...

And so this marks a new day, and a new perspective. I've got to work on both of these asap. Because If I don't love and respect me for me, how can I ask anyone else too?

___

* While going through my posts, I noticed that quite a few of them over the years were likely posted in various stages of emotion (rage, jealousy, delirium, drunkeness - hence, my therapy) and though genuine, and even quite funny at times, offered no real point or lesson. I don't want to talk about my problems just because I can here, there needs to be a purpose. So I apologize now for all the gaps in the story lines - from 2015 on, we're good.

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