Three things I know for sure...

Since coming out of what was quite possibly the hardest, most unhealthy relationship (and subsequent break-up) of my life, I've learned a few new things about me, and the way I love. I had no choice really, if I wasn't going to get happiness out of that experience then I was at least going to make sure I got a lesson.

Unfortunately - or fortunately, depends on how you look at it - the lesson I did pull from it was one that you really only "get" once you've let yourself be compromised by something, or someone. I mean you've definitely heard it before, but you can't really understand it until you've been there yourself. Been robbed of yourself, your love, your trust. Once you've given everything to someone who takes without giving back.

It's a lesson one to swallow, but I suppose it's a really good one if the suffering is inevitable...

1) You don't need to change you, to fit someone else. In fact, you can't. For your own sake. You'll try, try to make things work, try to make things right, try to "fight"... but the truth of the matter is, if it's requiring that much effort in the first place, well then you've already lost, my friend. Needless to say, anything less than your authentic self in love, in life, will fail. You are you for a reason. You're good enough as you are. And if anything, or anyone is making you think or feel otherwise, then that's what (unfortunately) needs to go. Not you, or the things that make you you. And I know that people say this all the time, but it's for a reason. I've seen people who have given up on themselves, whose friends have given up on them - hell, I was headed that way myself recently; it's painfully sad. Not to mention pathetic. You are definitely worth being loved entirely, 100% no doubt.

2) It's always better to be the person who jumps in with 2 feet, time and time again, than to be the one too scared to jump at all. Yes, you will likely get hurt. Much worse, if you choose to put trust in the wrong person. But in the end, in the big picture, you get a whole ton of a lot more out of life and love by giving yourself completely. You grow more, live happier, and learn better. Trust is fickle yes, and it's hella scary to give a way, but as we all know, comfort zones don't produce anything, and risks were meant for taking. Maya Angelou said "have the courage to trust love one more time, and always one more time". Let that be your motto.

3) NEVER settle for anything less than complete 100% open and honest communication. With and from yourself, and certainly with and from the person you are dealing with (Dealing?dating, seeing, sleeping, wtv). No questions left unanswered. No hesitations not voiced. No concerns left unmentioned. It's a hard act to follow yes - it's making an active choice to always have the difficult conversations, and that can be exhausting - BUT being on the same page, happy and un-compromised is most definitely always worth it.

I think I get that now, like in a bigger sense. I think I get what that kind of a commitment is, means, to make to someone else. And, I think, no, I know I'll be a lot more picky about who I choose to give that to now, moving forward. I can't afford to just make a promise like that to just any ole' dude off the block. No. To get commitment from me now, that kind of effort, you gotta be something special.

So, lessons learned this time around? Always be you. Always choose love. And don't compromise your voice. 

Advice from a girl who's been there.


  1. So so so so true. I've written this down almost verbatum in my journal. Thank you!

  2. I really like your blog. I'm a guy, and even though it's not technically "for" me, I really like reading from your perspective. Great insight.