11.25.2014

Another Year Wasted...

When I turned 29 eleven months ago, I told myself that by my next birthday I wanted to be in a new city, living new experiences, writing full-time and growing my successful dating blog, with a book in the works, and in a meaningful relationship with someone that takes me higher & makes me better.


Well, I'm turning 30 in just about 10 weeks or so.

I have no job, I'm in the same city I still feel so very disconnected to, I'm dating a guy who I'm not entirely sure is totally deserving of me, my time, my love, or self-worth. My California plans are on an indefinite hold, and in my efforts to put myself "out there" and get connected, I've made relationships with "new friends" that I'm not entirely sure are right or healthy for me. I also haven't written a word in 4 months. Oh, and I've only downed 1 of my "a book a month" challenge for the year.

This is not - not at all - what I thought 30 would look like. Not for me, anyway.

I'm too bright. Too confident. Too independent. Too awesome over-all to not just take what I want from the world. To get mine.

... Or so I thought.

I'm pretty sure this qualifies as a mid-life crisis, officially.

I suppose the good thing is, it's only me in my way. This is "fixable", as they say. I can be a fixer... I can be whatever the hell I want to be.

5 comments:

  1. :(
    I hope 30 is a good year for you! Good luck :)

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  2. I didn't find my true self until I turned 30. Then I turned my world on its ears. ;-)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you. That's reassuring. Thats what I'm hoping 30 will be. I have the opportunity right now to change everything ... I just have to remember that.

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  3. Reality check:
    1. you are now several years removed from peak fertility
    2. physical beauty is linked to fertility, or in other words, you are gradually losing your attractiveness
    3. if you were half as smart as you like to think you are, you'd find a guy who will marry you while you are still attractive

    Or you can choose to ignore all that and continue to believe that guys looking for marriage care more about your career, writing, etc., than they do about your looks and values (values related to being a wife and mother).

    I think I know which route you'll take. See you next year!

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  4. Keep your chin up and make sure that the guy your with deserves you. If not then don't waste your time!

    Hope things get better x

    ReplyDelete