6.10.2014

Wine & Donuts

Wine & donuts.

That's what I'm eating for dinner tonight.

And not just any donuts, those wonderfully chubby white powdery ones you buy from the grocery store. You know, the ones that make the back of your throat tickle if you stuff 'em in too fast? Yeah, those. 

It's ok though, I'm keepin' it under control, I've only had 2. 

Fine, 6. 

... Large ones. (Screw you) 

But I have good reason - I'm heartbroken. (That't the first time I've called it that - that's kind of terrifying. But, liberating at the same time in a weird kind of way.)


Yup. I did that thing they tell you to do - take a chance, live in the moment, open yourself up - and it fucked me over. Quite literally. The boy was cute and the sex was rejuvinating (that was almost a year and a half I was bordering on), but the time crunch hurt. A lot. 

5 days. 

That's officially my shortest infatuation yet. 

And you can stop thinking at me like I'm crazy. I am acutely aware of how nuts this sounds. (I sound, wtv) I mean, who the fuck falls in a week?! Certainly not me. Never me. I'm always very much in control of my feelings, and very picky about who I decide to give my love to.

But like I said, my guard was down. I was "living". Open & vulnerable... willing. 

And so 5 days was all it took. 

Now, of course there was much more than just him going on - it has to do with a state of mind I'm in, a transition I'm going through, and a specific experience I was seeking. But a week was it.  

I don't suppose I regret it really - another lesson learned, I guess. And although it may be more of a case of bad timing than unrequited love - I still just wish I could get it an easier way. Like I wish it came in pill form. Yeah, that would be nice. Like a suppository; a little uncomfortable, but good for the system overall. That seems fitting. 

But what's the fun in that right? You can't appreciate the highs without the experiencing the lows, so on the next we go. 

... On to the next I go.

At the very least, it brought me back here. Writing again. Flexing these muscles again.

Hey y'all, I'm back. 


2 comments:

  1. Whatever you do (donuts and all), don't shut yourself down. Keep your heart open and be willing to live and love again. We make mistakes, but eventually we get it right! Im reading this book called All the Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, they are giving their secrets to capturing Mr. Right (to get him to put a ring on it)… it's interesting to say the least! I recommend it, it's an old way of doing things, but there might still be value in it. Anyway, if you have the chance, pick it up, if only for the conversation value. ;-)

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  2. Thank you. I've realized I just have to ride the wave here so to speak - it happened, it was amazing, and now I have to just sit back (and not shut down) and let what ever happens, happen ... organically. Patience is a virtue.

    I'll look into that book :)

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