Ok - officially, I'm going insane.
One day I'm up in the clouds & the next so very, very deep down in the mud. It's like - I know what I experienced. I know how we were, how we looked at each other, talked to each other, touched each other, how easily and naturally we established this adorable morning breakfast ritual ... and yet, I find myself now doubting it all. ALL!
And you guys know I'm not a romantic kind of girl. Emotional yes, quick to fall maybe - but I mean seriously, it’s almost annoying how much I don't believe in true love, or soul mates, and all that bullshit.
I believe in energy, pure & simple.
And all I know, is that ours was in sync in a way I've never experienced before.
Like ...on another level. (K, too much Kardashians, noted.)
My friends are talking me through this delicately (like you would with someone whose emotionally unstable) - but I know what I felt. Feel. And yet I'm doubting everything. I mean I know it’s natural to get the "back-to-regular-life blues" after having the best vacation ever … but I think this is more than that.
I remember thinking at one point, "Just go with it. It's not anything you recognize and its scary as shit, but fuck it - just go with it". And so I did. And it was amazing.
... And now I’m crazy.
I'm sad, and I'm crazy and he’s half way across the world right now on some trip finding himself. And I’m here, in my bed, wondering if he's thinking about me, too.
Fuck. I'm a mess.