2.11.2014

LA (pt. 1)...

So I don't know about you guys, but my biggest priority in life - and I mean like this takes up the better part of my everyday thinking - is making sure that my spirit feels adequately nourished and free at any given moment. (And while that may sound a little hippie-dippie to you, you should know that I'm an Aquarius so, perfectly normal.) I'm a feeler. An emotional, dreamer-type. A little flighty, and always looking for what's next...

And I think that's why I've been so weird lately. Because my spirit has been feeling especially under-nourished for a while now. 

But that's changed. Or at least ... is changing.

Recently, I've been feeling very refreshed. Everything I was thinking and feeling, about myself & my life? Totally out the window. In a good way.

Let me back up.

3 weeks ago, I headed to LA for a work thing. Then, right after that, Miami, for vacation. I knew I needed to use that time wisely, to work on things I needed to work on, personally, so I did, and ... I feel brand new.

Aside from all the fun stuff (that part is coming, I just need to get off that high first) I learned something:

I think that when we we get "disconnected" or "stuck", or whatever you want to call it, it's really easy to think that it's something to do with you. Like somehow, if only you were just more this or that, it would all be so different. And to an extent, happiness really is all about perspective. But at the same time, I think it's more than that too. I think you can, and do grow out of things, and people, and places... and I think that that disconnect starts on a level that's deeper than just attitude. Like, I think your soul probably feels it first, and then your head last. So by the time you are consciously recognizing that something's up & maybe you need a change, you've actually already been processing it for a while (subconsciously), and are therefore that much more ready to do something about it. So "doing something about it" really is the last step, its just the first one your aware of.

Does that make sense?
...
So anyway, what I'm trying to say is, the things that I thought were my own personal failures and shortcomings weren't. Aren't. They are just a by-product of what I'm feeling in these last stages - apathy, restlessness, ect. And that was justified for me in LA. I got the proof I needed to tell me I'm not crazy, or lame, or shy, or unattractive ... and all those other things that run through your head when you're doubting yourself.

I'm good. I'm cool. And more importantly, I'm so ready.

... also, GOOD GOLLY the BOYS!

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