You're probably expecting this post to be about Smooth.
To be honest, I was planning on writing about Pt. 2 today as well, but the truth is I'm just not ready to. Since "the text", so much more has transpired.
And it's not over. Or at least, my part isn't. So while I haven't really responded to much of it yet, I'm perfectly aware of where this is headed, and before I talk about it with you all, I need to talk about it with him.
So, I'm writing about something else instead.
Actually, it's something that I realized during my phone conversation with Smooth the other day - but about someone else. Or rather, what someone else is making me realize.
I'll start from the beginning...
Recently, I re-connected with a old friend from college, "T" (actually, I mentioned him in my open letter). Now, for whatever reasons (life), we fell out of touch over the years, but I after I posted that letter, he reached out me apologizing for the way things ended between us back then. (The only one to do so btw, which says something, I think.) Anyway, after re-assuring him that there was nothing to feel bad about and that all had been long since forgiven – I mean sure things hurt at the time, but it was college after all, and I came to understand that, eventually – I made him promise to stay in touch now that we’d "buried the hatchet" so to speak. Because, despite the emotional roller coaster that was our “dating” experience (even if it was totally one sided, on my side) we actually were good friends outside of all that, and I always regretted loosing that part.
Long story short, we’ve been texting everyday since. No, literally every. single. day. Not in any romantic way, just the usual jokes, friendly banter & funny pictures back and forth like we used to. And I mean sure there's the occasional flirt here & there but it's all in good fun and, I think, quite normal between two people who have a bit of past, right?
The fact is, talking to him again has reminded me of who I am, and the parts that I love most about me, but seem to have lost over the last few years. And I'm grateful for that.
Though, I will have to tone it down soon, as this imaginary boy (basically) is starting to take my attention away from real life boys - i.e. POF guy seemed boring in comparison (ditched him), and last weekend I completely blew off two apparently cute guys (separately) without even realizing it, because I was too busy texting him. In my defense, I was slightly inebriated, but that's no excuse. I know. It will be corrected. (But also, two boys in one night - yay me!)
But to get back to the point though, what I realized while talking to Smooth is just how different Smooth & I really are... and just how well I click with someone like T.
It's easy, it's fun, and it's intelligent. And while that's not to say that I never had any of that with my exes, I just don't think that I've ever really had all 3 at the same time. And that's really too bad, because that's me. That's who I am, & what I realize (now) that I need, and want, more than anything, in return. And if I'm being totally honest with myself, I think I've been sacrificing all of that in favor of other, less important qualities, my whole dating life.
... I think this is what Oprah calls an "aha moment".
And then I read this:
"Choose who and what you want in a relationship rather than just making it work with whoever chooses you." -Paul C. Brunson
Yup. Definitely an "aha moment".
At the end of the day, I'm attracted to a guy who keeps me on my toes; who's genuinely good & intelligent, but also fun, unpredictable, and sharp enough to keep up with me.
So, while the good news is that I now know what I'm looking for, the bad news is that I'm likely going to have to be way more picky about who I choose to share my time with.
(aka alone forever.)
Oh well, I suppose you have to start somewhere...