6.30.2011

Love Will Set You Clean...

Never in a million years did I think I would learn something from Ice T and his G.I. Joe of a wife, Coco, but alas I did - okay so maybe I wouldn't really call it "learning something", more like recognizing the validity and depth of a point that is most often overlooked, but still, very eye opening nonetheless, I'll give 'em that.

I was watching their new reality show and they were talking about how Coco (which apparently is her real name, shocking) would come over and clean his house in the early days of their relationship even though she wasn't living there. Ice was saying something about how strange he thought that was, and she was saying it was her way of showing she cared, because she has a cleaning OCD or something. And then I thought, hmm, is it weird that what she just said makes a lot of sense to me? Am I crazy, or did she just make a thought provoking, semi-intelligent point here? And then hit me, she's totally on point here.

Aside from being told (or it being expected) that our place is in the home, and our job is to look after a man (big no no), if there is one thing that a man should know about a woman, its this: WHEN A WOMAN TAKES CARE OF A MAN, COOKS HIS DINNERS AND CLEANS HIS HOME, ITS BECAUSE IN HER EYES, HE'S EARNED IT, AND BECAUSE SHE'S DECIDED SHE ACTUALLY CARES (DEEPLY) FOR HIM.

It's true. A lot of people (especially guys) take it for granted all the time, but the fact is, it's not standard practice in a relation between man and woman, it doesn't "just happen" at a certain point in every relationship, or because it's deeply ingrained in our genes. No. It's a privilege. And you only get to experience it when we've come to the decision (on our own) that we want to take care of you because you're worth taking care of.

Don't believe me boys? Think about it. What women in your life have cleaned up after you - other than your mom and serious girlfriends? Friends? Cousins? …what about sisters? (maybe, if it was her house you were trashing). I know the girls hear me on this, because we've all been on both sides of it.

For instance, when I think about my last relationship with my ex and how I was with him and compare it to how I am with Smooth now, there just is no comparison. I couldn't bring myself to cook in his kitchen let alone clean any part of his place. There seriously wasn't anything he could do or say, to get me to help with any of it. In fact, to avoid it all, I kind of expected let him wait on me since I was his "guest" (ya, I pulled that card, many times over). The state of place was disgusting, and deep down yes, it bothered me, but was I actually going to do anything about it? Not a chance, because that required me touching stuff I didn't want to. If cleaning is a sign about how you truly feel about someone, then I guess our fate was pretty obvious.

With Smooth, it's completely the opposite. I'm almost obsessed. I clean all the time. (And I'm so not a cleaner). I want to make sure he's got a clean house, a full belly, and that he's sleeping well. I don't care if I have to give it my whole day.

When we don't care about a relationship (and I mean that "forever" kind of care), then we don't care to bring that side of us out (you know, that nurturing mothering side). But when we do, well, it comes out in full force. Which, if you think about it, might be the reason for why so many of us have a bit of an issues with the whole "mom factor".  When we really feel for a guy, and open ourselves up to looking after him and ensuring his well-being (essentially taking on a mothering role), it becomes very difficult to let real mom come in and take care of him too, especially when its in our own home. It all becomes very territorial. We've made him our number 1 (very often even before us), and to not be his number 1 (aka number 2 to mom) can be a very hard pill to swallow... But I think think I'll save that thought for another post.

Where was I? Oh yes, real love = his personal house maid. Terrible way to put it, I know, but it's kind of the truth. I mean think about it, how many times have you heard a friend or someone on tv talk lovingly about their man talking about wanting to have dinner ready for when he comes homes, or doing his laundry, even Samantha spent 2 hours making all that cleverly placed sushi for Smith to come home to, it's what we do…for the right guy.

This isn't to say that all this is done without complaints of course, I mean, telling him to rinse out the tuna can before letting in sit in the sink for how ever many hours definitely gets old at some point, but its the thought that counts. And as long as we feel that the work and love is appreciated and returned in other ways, then really its not that big of a deal.

... Then again, we already knew that it would be, I mean, that's the reason why we've offered you this part of us in the first place, right?

2 comments:

  1. I get what you're saying, I also think that it comes from a part of us that is saying to a man: I am ready for it all. Ready to live love and be in love. That nurturing side of us kicks in conveniently when we wanna say: I see myself with you and little yous (not a real word, I know), and I wanna show you that I can be the woman who will take care of us.

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