2.02.2011

Breakup Rules...

Uhhhhhh ok - this post is kinda out of the blue yes, but I just read Elaina's rather confused and frustrated post about breakups over at Life is a Great Big Canvas and just had to give my take on things (also, she asked me to - and it's not like I've ever been known to turn down giving my thoughts on someone else's problems...) So, Elaina, here are my (official) rules on how to manage a breakup:

Rule #1:

There is only one rule: Complete cut-off.
 
It doesn't matter what your history with him is, the only way to move on post breakup is to cut all contact. Don't talk to him, don't see him, don't hangout in places he does, or with people he knows. Get rid of him on FB, email, Skype, even your phone (thats BBM and your contact list). Not cutting him off is like quitting smoking and not taking that pack of cigarettes out of your car, and/or purse and/or breast pocket. If they are around, you will be tempted. To smoke, to hold, to smell... to just sit there and stare at, for hours. Way too close.

You see the thing with breakups is that they usually happen for a reason. If you're talking about, considering, or enduring a breakup, it's most likely because deep down you know this person isn't for you. Which means that although it's a tough decision, it's the right one, and you need to just take comfort in that and move on. 

Now of course the feelings don't go away over night, and of course it's going to be hard to break those habits that you've formed over the 3 years/months/days you were with him (ie: talking/texting everyday, eating together, sleeping together etc...) BUT, it's only going to be harder to rid yourself of all that if he's still just a click or call away.

Who knows if what they say about taking half the time you were together to get over the breakup is true or not (everyone is different), but what's most important is that you do take time. Not to be alone period, but at least alone from him.

Also, guys and girls are not friends, especially not after a breakup. So whatever the circumstances,  the history (wtv), things won't be "easier" if you "remain friends", or "still talk", or have "casual sex" every once in a while.

PUH-LEASE. (rolls eyes)

The truth is, you and him were never "just friends" otherwise you would never have had sex. Sex, or at least a sexual attraction, was the catalyst for this "friendship", don't fool yourself by telling you otherwise. 

You broke up, it was the right thing to do, now move on. You'll be surprised at how quick your heart heals if you just focus on other things (mainly you and what makes you smile). Out of sight out of mind is not just a saying, it's motto to live by (at least when it comes to breakups that is).

Trust me, It's way too easy to see and hear things you don't want to see or hear when you keep contact with your ex, so if you don't want drama, don't go looking for it. But if you do, well, that's a different story all together now isn't it?

7 comments:

  1. ugh, i need to learn this lesson. badly. i think you're 100% right, but it's still so hard to let go.

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  2. holy cow you blogged about my post! hahah THIS is what I was looking for. You need to compile you ideas and thoughts about a basic breakup and write a book. Seriously, there are none out there and this made perfect sense and your cigarette analogy was perfect along with your statement about sexual attraction being a catalyst. Amazing, THANK YOU!

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  3. @Cleopatra: I know. It is. But you know what? You'll be so much stronger for it. Its a new dawn, its a new day... don't start it by hanging on to something that doesn't make you feel great.

    Make the break. I beg you. Within two weeks you'll be feeling really good about your self. Also, the change in perspective will blow you away.

    @Elaina: Thank you for the inspiration! lol ... and yeah, I'm thinking about that book idea :)

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  4. Ah beautiful pearls of wisdom. I am STEADFAST in this RULE, I allow myself one hour/day/week to be sad publicly and then that's it. No matter what is happening inside, if you're publicly displaying pain, then it'll just exacerbate what's going on inside. It is about being strict with yourself, and the lessons you learn about dealing with a break up well, will fair you SO WELL in other aspects of your life!!
    When people ask me how I take break up's in my stride, I say, I don't, I hurt, but I have learnt to ACCEPT the hurt, CUT off the life supply and MOVE FORWARD. Staying friends/fuck buddies/in love with exes is pointless and futile. Afterall, exes are exes for a reason!
    I really enjoyed this post :)

    London Girl Up North

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  5. @Milan: I 100% percent agree. There just isn't any other way.

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  6. This is, definitely, so true. Great advice, great post!

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