Girl Code vs. Work Code

Started a new job last week (yaaaay!) and, as it turns out, my good friend's ex sits a desk away from me. Facing me.

To say that their relationship was troubled doesn't really cut it. They didn't work for a long time, and they took way to long to figure that out. Things got really ugly, and they both ended up doing things they shouldn't have (one more than the other, but that's besides the point here). Since then however, they've both moved on, and from what I can tell, are both doing quite alright in light of it (she especially).

As for him, I have no idea. He seems fine, he's really nice and funny, not to mention quite a bit flirty with just about every girl in the entire building. However I've noticed one thing, he's really quiet about his social life when around me. And I don't mean in terms of talking to me about it, but just talking about it in general while I'm int the vicinity. I mean, from what I've been able to pick up in the 2 weeks I've been working, it's not secret that he's very much single and dating. That much is clear. Even our boss calls him on it.

But he seems to incredibly (and to be honest, quite awkwardly) tight-lipped when around me, I mean like laughing cracking jokes with everyone in the room, out loud and unabashedly, and then pulling a straight face and burying his head in his work when he notices I'm laughing along.

It's as if he thinks I were a mole or something, planted there to watch and report his every move.

But the truth is, my showing up at his job is purely coincidental, there's no need for him to be worried about me. I'm not going to run and tell his ex that he spent the day bragging about his "prowess" or how many girls he chatted up - 1) I don't care enough to pay that kind attention to him, and 2) he's really quite nice and helpful to me (in all other respects) so why would I risk changing that?

Yes there is girl code, and I will no doubt have her back should it ever get to the point where I need to, but I'm definitely not going to hold a grudge against her ex if I don't have any beef with him. Right? I mean, isn't this a valid exception to the rule? I'm the new girl, I can't just come in with drama… also, who really gives a shit at this point anyway? She's happy and better off now, what does it matter who his latest flavour of the month is?

I dunno, maybe I should pull him aside and talk to him and let him know he doesn't have to worry. I don't want to be his best friend or anything, but I do hope that we can learn be comfortable just being ourselves, I mean, I'll be around him more than my own family so… yeah, I have to figure something out.


  1. I can see how on the one hand it's a bit ridiculous and slightly childish, but on the other hand if I was in his position, I might act the same way. You never really know how your ex's friends are going to be around you (especially if it was a messy relationship) and he's probably just being cautious so as not to stir anything up, or to make it awkward to work together.

  2. I think you should invite him out for a pint! In the spirit of friendly work relations :) I can understand his position too. Maybe it will just take a bit for him to relax?

  3. awkward!! well whatever i think! unless you 'care' about his friendship i wouldn't let it bother you... sounds like he is stuck in school boy mentality and you are the girl with coodies. or whatever.

  4. I think it can only help to have a clear the air convo. He might think it's weird at first, but I think it's adult and professional of you. And it probably will make for a better overall work vibe.