Well, not so much him as our break-up, and how unfortunate it is that when it comes to relationships, or at least non mutual break-ups, you really have to hurt the one you love in order to get out of it. And I don't mean being petty or purposely mean about it - not like saying horrible things or selfishly acting out in ways that you know will hurt them - but rather, that you really have to break their heart for it to be fully over.
What I'm trying to say is that it seems, to me at least, that when it comes to relationships and love, there is always one person that loves a bit stronger/harder/deeper than the other. And when the person on the receiving end of that love can no longer reciprocate that kind of emotion, nothing short of utter devastation will make that clear. For instance, with me and my ex, telling him we were on different pages simply wasn't enough because he tried to make up for it by getting a car, a better job, a better apartment, and making all kinds of promises that he could change. But the truth was, all that stuff wasn't the issue. The truth was, I wasn't in love with him anymore. When my feelings changed exactly or why I stayed with him despite that really isn't the point; the only way I could really get out was to be fully honest (with him and myself) and tell him that… and subsequently break his heart. And that sucks. I mean, I'm glad I was up front about it and didn't lie or cheat or hang around in misery waiting for him to dump me, but like I hate that I had to say those words to him. I hate that I had to hurt him as deeply as I did for it to be done.
Then again, I guess there is no better way really, that slap in the face is often what we need to snap out of it and see things for what they really are. It's so easy to make excuses and waste more time trying to "work things out" when your in it (love that is), I mean, the saying is there for a reason right? We really do become blind.
Anyway, I'm not really sure why I'm writing this, it's just kind of hanging on my mind. It's not about regretting the break-up, that really was for the better, I guess I just wish there was a softer way to do it that's all...