3.08.2010

Just Thinkin'....

I was thinking about my ex the other day.

Well, not so much him as our break-up, and how unfortunate it is that when it comes to relationships, or at least non mutual break-ups, you really have to hurt the one you love in order to get out of it. And I don't mean being petty or purposely mean about it - not like saying horrible things or selfishly acting out in ways that you know will hurt them - but rather, that you really have to break their heart for it to be fully over.

What I'm trying to say is that it seems, to me at least, that when it comes to relationships and love, there is always one person that loves a bit stronger/harder/deeper than the other. And when the person on the receiving end of that love can no longer reciprocate that kind of emotion, nothing short of utter devastation will make that clear. For instance, with me and my ex, telling him we were on different pages simply wasn't enough because he tried to make up for it by getting a car, a better job, a better apartment, and making all kinds of promises that he could change. But the truth was, all that stuff wasn't the issue. The truth was, I wasn't in love with him anymore. When my feelings changed exactly or why I stayed with him despite that really isn't the point; the only way I could really get out was to be fully honest (with him and myself) and tell him that… and subsequently break his heart. And that sucks. I mean, I'm glad I was up front about it and didn't lie or cheat or hang around in misery waiting for him to dump me, but like I hate that I had to say those words to him. I hate that I had to hurt him as deeply as I did for it to be done.

Then again, I guess there is no better way really, that slap in the face is often what we need to snap out of it and see things for what they really are. It's so easy to make excuses and waste more time trying to "work things out" when your in it (love that is), I mean, the saying is there for a reason right? We really do become blind.

Anyway, I'm not really sure why I'm writing this, it's just kind of hanging on my mind. It's not about regretting the break-up, that really was for the better, I guess I just wish there was a softer way to do it that's all...

9 comments:

  1. By being honest and not stringing him along, you were being kind. To have let him think you were just in love with him would have been cruel. You did the brave thing! I think you did it the softest way of all.

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  2. Ugh, I totally agree with you. I had to say some pretty harsh things to my ex when I broke it off with him - not to be a bitch, but just so he wouldn't misinterpret my words/actions to mean that there was still a chance that we could be together. I didn't want to string him along and thought I was doing what was best for him.

    ...Only problem is, now I wish I didn't say any of those things and hadn't broken it off! :(

    http://youmakemydate.blogspot.com/

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  3. I agree with you, especially the part about someone always loves "more" then the other person. I have felt that both ways many times. Is everything good with this new guy ? And are you and your ex still friends ?
    ALso it's normal to feel bad, but you are right it is good to not cheat or waste your time. THen you would have regretted that, just saying =]

    confessionalsofonyae.blogspot.com

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  4. I've never been good at breaking up with someone, so I use the 'be as annoying as hell so they'll dump me' tactic.
    *Read about my dating disasters at plentymorefishoutofwater*

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  5. I agree w/ you as well. In one relationship, I prolonged the break up b/c I didn't want to hurt him but guess what...he ended up breaking it off w/ me first. It's never a good thing to try and spare the others persons' feelings b/c you'll only end up hurting yourself in the end.

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  6. @ Plentymorefishoutofwater: Of course you do, haha. (rolls eyes)

    @ the rest: Nice to know I'm not alone :)

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  7. Devil's advocate here...

    Steph,

    Life is RAW, plain and simply. People have to wake up and start realizing this if they haven't already. That's why I detest Disney movies so much. They portray life to be la la la la....well its not! The only Disney movies I appreciate are the sad ones, because they are more realistic and raw like life (i.e.Dumbo, Lion King, Bambi, Pinocchio)

    You have to kind of see this in the same light as when you were a kid. When you did something bad or terrible, your parents probably would disown you or maybe beat you right?(in my case they did). As a child, I would think, why would this person, who cooks my dinner everyday, clothes me, gets me ready for school/church, buys me great gifts, waits on me hand and foot, does all this but yet still also beats me? why? This question always played on my conscious.

    Well because it was for my own well being and also their own well being. No parent wants their child to become and grow up to be a deviant member of society. And no child wants to be undervalued or unloved by the parents, so in the end its all about each others well being.

    There is no easy or as you say "softer way" to tell someone who loves you so much, that you don't love them as intensely or on the same level. There just isn't. However, you being pure, blunt, honest, truthfully, and 100% wholehearted to them when telling them this, is honestly love in itself in my eyes anywayz.

    To many people in this world lead other people on way too much or just stay in a relationship because it seems comfortable. While they do this, they may not genuinely be intensely in it physically, psychologically, or emotionally or sometimes all of thee above. So what you did was absolutely fine, heart-wrenching am sure, but brave and the right and just thing to do both for you and his well being.

    Being the Devil's advocate, just have to ask some things...haha.

    How long did it take you before you realized you weren't in love with him as intensely as he was with you?

    When you came to this realization, did you tell him right away or did you hold off for a while? If you did, why and for how long did you hold off for?

    what eventually made you come and say those words you dreaded and prolonged for so long?

    Again not here to judge you, NOT AT ALL. Just here to analyze, observe, listen and understand ones psyche and actions..always fascinate by human beings...

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  8. Thank you for sharing your story...I too have been thinking about a couple of my exes and how those situations ended so badly. It's nice to know it's not just me...

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  9. Agreeeee

    www.meltab.blogspot.com

    www.la--vie.blogspot.com

    XoXo

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