You know what's funny? How quickly word gets out when a girl finds herself single again. Or worse, how every guy she's ever met seems to find a reason to call/text/message her when they find out. Whats with that? How do they just know?
Is there some giant computer somewhere out there keeping track of all this info that I don't know about? Sending it out in mass emails to every guy I've ever known EVER? Seriously, how is this possible?
It doesn't matter that I haven't seen you (let alone said so much as three words to you) in two full, three hundred and sixty-five day years, you still manage to put "we should go to dinner, you know, something more personal" in the same sentence as "Hi! Beautiful day! What you been up too these past couple months/years?".
Uh - I'm sorry, who are you again? And, why are you asking me out?
Didn't we do this already? Weren't you 1) not interested in 2) "just friends" with 3) rejected by me the last time we talked? Has anything really changed since then? Are you thinking that after years "just having fun" you're now over it and, knowing that I'm good girlfriend material, want to settle down and have me take care of you? Or is it because you're thinking two years might have been enough time for me to "forget" why I didn't like you in the first place and we can start over? Or, are you doing that ego thing where you check in with me just to see if you could still "get that" if you really wanted to? Because seriously, don't waste your time.
Not going to happen my friend.
Been there, done that.
I haven't been waiting for you. I haven't even been thinking about you. And you're not on any reserve list of mine.
I've moved on. That's what we do, and by "we" I mean us girls. Yes we might hold on longer than we need too, yes we might get a bit crazy when you dump us, and yes we might be mopy for a while after it, but it's a process. We're going through the motions. It doesn't matter how much or how bad we loved or crushed on you, once enough time passes, we chalk it up to another lesson learned and move the f**k on.
So get over me, do the same, and save me that awkward call/text/message of rejection, again. Thanks.