Secret Sex...

One of my aims in doing this blog is to help enlighten the women who read it on how and why men think and act like they do. Of course, I'm limited in my ability to do that since, well, I'm a woman, and can therefore only speak from what I've been able to rationalize from their behaviour myself. Realizing that it might be good to get a real guy's perspective in here every once in a while, I invited a friend, Lucious*, to help. So without further ado, here is his first post on a subject matter that we (girls) have all found ourselves in at one point or another.

Ladies, take heed.

"Secret Sex"

You are in a relationship, or so you think, and the two of you have been ‘talking’ for some time. You think you’re dating him and, for the most part, you’re pretty sure he is dating you back. BUT all your dates are composed of time spent on the couch and time spent in the bedroom at your house or his.

What’s wrong with this picture?

Insight: The girl a guy keeps solely in his apartment or her apartment, generally indoors, is a girl he doesn’t want people to know he is associated with. Most times this is because he is busy chopping down another tree on the side, or maybe two; or because he doesn’t want the general population of females to know that he is tied down.

This doesn’t always take away from what the two of you might have. He might really like you, as much as you like him, but he’s not ready to make it as official as sharing that with the world by spending a night on the town. This is the same thing as placing that awkward two feet gap between the two of you when you do, by chance, take an excursion outdoors. The goal here is to keep you close enough, all the while giving other potentials the impression that the two of you might just be friends.

The extreme: Some guys act in this manner for a simpler reason – you’re a jump-off. There is nothing to the relationship except sex and it makes no sense taking you places because he isn’t interested in you in that manner. Therefore, the extent of your relationship becomes the couch and the bedroom.

The Upside: Some guys genuinely do simply enjoy staying indoors. These are the low-maintenance; non busy-body types who don’t need a lot of glitz and glam to have fun. You can tell if yours fits these criteria by measuring the awkward space between the two of you if you ever make it outdoors, or if he holds your hand.

- Lucious


  1. Hmmm, not sure about this. All us guys know that the one way to ensure you attract female attention is to be seen in public with an obviously interested in you, attractive woman. The reason I wouldn't take a woman I was seeing out is firstly that if I introduced her to any of my friends, they would all try and screw her and secondly the conversation I have with my male friends, whilst deeply interesting to me, is likely to be at best boring and more likely childish and trivial to a woman. There is a limit to how far you can get away with this and I remember a girl leaving me because I didn't invite her to my brothers wedding, not as she assumed because I was ashamed of her, but more because I was somewhat embarrassed by my family.

  2. I like it...though you can't generalise too much. A guy might be broke, for instance.

  3. Aaah, so that's what that was about with that tennis player in college??? :)

    Just kidding. I mean, seriously, any girl who doesn't realize if the guy won't go "out and about" with her, clearly that's what's up, no?? sometimes it's convenient for both parties, though..

  4. I had this happen to me in high school! Except I would just go over to his house and make-out with him. Fun times.

    Except I found out later that he'd been doing the same thing with another girl! Always a bad sign if they won't take you out in daylight.

  5. Nice post...sad but very true...