"Just Friends"

Ok, so recently I had posted a poll asking whether an attractive straight guy and an attractive straight girl can really be "just friends". While I thought the answer was obvious, to my surprise, a good number of those who voted - I think it was like 60% percent or something- seemed to agree (with each other, and not with me) that yes, it is, in fact, very possible indeed.

Yeeeah sorry, but that definitely sounds wrong.

I don't mean to come off rude, or like a know it all either, but that just doesn't seem to make much sense when you really think about it. If you know a cute, single, straight guy with whom you have a genuine connection and a true friendship and are still not dating him, you're either stupid or stalling. I mean, isn't that what we're all looking for in a partner? Isn't that the very definition of a soul-mate? And don't give me that "I don't want to ruin the friendship" line, because that's BS, if you really are that good of friends on a supposedly "platonic" level, then it can't go wrong if you decide to make it more.

Think about it. Men and women are so fundamentally different, we just don't 'get' each other like we do our own sex. Because of that, we put a lot of value on those qualities which actually do foster a deeper connection between us. Things like humor, sympathy, intelligence and even religion are all qualities that reach out across the gender lines and connect us to people that we otherwise couldn't relate too (ie.: the opposite sex), and because they do, bonds form. And if you're straight, then you're pre-wired to react positively to those bonds and become attracted to those who make you feel them. Make sense? So if you have a guy friend, and he makes you feel like you can relate to him and really understand him - and he's not butt ugly, dumber than a rock, or into other guys (or girls) - then naturally, at one point or another, you're going to start to "like-like" him. To me, it seems rather obvious that the only thing that can stop such feelings from surfacing are circumstances, and even then, the most they can do is put things on pause.

Am I scientist? No. Am I a relationship doctor? Only in my head. All I can base my opinion off of is what I know from my own experiences, and that is this: every guy I've ever been 'friends' with - who was not gay, hideous, or already in a relationship - was either a past fling/crush or future one.

That's it, the truth plain and simple. I'm not going to pretend like I've never thought about kissing any of the guys I've ever been close "friends" with, and you shouldn't either. But if you have a story that proves me wrong and could convince me otherwise, I'd love to hear it.


  1. Why are you so stubborn? What's the point of asking people if in the end, you refute the whole poll? Maybe you can't be friend with a guy, but some people have a wider horizon. Don't generalize a personal opinion.

  2. I honestly believe there can. I mean it is all about chemistry. I have some goregous male friends but I have about as much chemistry with them as I would with a worm. (By the way that is none!)

    Kate x

  3. My best friend is an attractive young woman. I'd say we were on a par looks-wise. We dated for a little while but decided there was no chemistry in the ways you need chemistry. But personality-wise, boy was there chemistry. We have so much fun whenever we do stuff - we go on day trips and to the pub and nights in. But the thought of sleeping with her now repulses me.

  4. @ Andrew: Ouch.

    @ Kate and PMFOW: You both just confirmed my point. You're "just friends" with you pals from the opposite sex now, after your initial attempt to make it something more. I've done that too, dated, noticed there was no sexual chemistry, but still remained friends. But what I'm talking about in this post is a totally platonic friendship from day one. That's what I' saying is impossible.

    ... and i really think i'm right on this... however arrogant/stubborn/opinionated it might sound lol

  5. Speaking as a straight male, the only time I have ever made the effort to talk to a woman outside of work or family obligations is because I was attracted to her. it may sound neanderthal and probably marks me out as the "dumb as a rock" category but why would I? I know it is unlikely that I am going to provide any woman the friendship experience she may be looking for. What you say about the differences between men and women is on the money. I wouldn't expect a female to understand my viewpoint, that is why we are opposite sexes.

  6. Hi there, I just stumbled unto your blog, saw this post and just had to leave a comment. I think it's possible for men and women to be platonic friends from day one. Like it was mentioned, it's all about the chemistry. It is possible to have a strong intellectual with someone of the opposite sex, but if the physical attraction is not there, then the chances that the friendship will evolve into something more are quite slim.

  7. One of my best friends is a guy. We've never dated, we've always been just friends. I have had people ask me how come I'm not dating him since we get on so well together. It's because I know we're not compatible as partners. We both have traits and differences that are acceptable when we are just friends, but I believe our expectations of a partner are different and we just don't meet each others' expectations.

    I'm also just friends with another guy that I hang out with a lot after work, we have dinner often and go for drinks, sometimes meet up for coffee on weekends, we go karaoke together and do musical stuff together. Again, never dated, and just not interested in dating him because he's not my type.

    But - put all the good traits of my guy friends together into one hot male and that would be my kind of guy! So you do have a point in that the qualities you look for in a partner are pretty much the same ones you look for in your friends. Just so happens that these qualities are split up among several guy friends!

  8. I know this is an older post, but I just saw it and thought it was kind of interesting. I really do think that attractive straight guys and girls can be "just friends". I'm majoring in mechanical engineering, and almost all of my friends are guys. I mean, most of them have girlfriends at the moment, but they have all been single at some point while we've been good friends. I know being a woman in a man's field complicates things a bit, but I do think that guys and girls can just be friends.