Ok, so on the last ‘Dear Diary’ I posted, I questioned if having a scandalous dream about someone other than your partner could be considered ‘cheating’. Now, obviously, the answer to that is NO since, after all, we can’t exactly be held responsible for what happens in our subconscious. But as one reader proposed in their comment, a more realistic, and definitely more problematic question regarding the issue is whether or not masturbating to the thought of someone else should be considered cheating? Interesting since here there’s no excuse to fall back on being that it’s a highly conscious activity. So, is it?

My immediate thought was no way, fantasy is a huge part of sexual pleasure for a lot of people, and its ok because it’s imaginary. Some use porn, some have celebrity crushes, some even like those hot little Japanime characters with the tight cat suits, extra long pig-tails and swinging nun-chucks (hey, whatever floats your boat) - the point is, it doesn’t really matter whose picture you use to masage your muscle because at the end of the day, they’re not real, so no harm done, right?
Well, as my girlfriend pointed out to me, you can’t always assume that it’s a question of fantasy, when sometimes it can be very real. Like if you’re thinking/using a picture of a friend, or someone you saw on Facebook, or even, gasp, an ex. Surely then some kind of line is being crossed. And if it’s not to be considered physical cheating (which is arguable), then at the very least it’s emotional, right? That put me back a bit, a very good point indeed. When you put it that way I can see how that could hurt a relationship.

But then I thought wait a minute, is it really fair to put this kind of pressure on someone who’s just trying to have a little fun? Unless they’re fantasies are going way beyond momentary physical satisfaction and into something more, then I don’t think so. I mean, do I really need to feel guilty about thinking of whatever it is that I want/need to think about to get me in the mood? Especially if the only place it’s being played out (and the only place that I intend to play it out) is within the confines of my imagination - somewhere I know for a fact that my significant other can’t otherwise access unless I tell him? I don’t think so. It seems ridiculous infact. That picture of Daniel Craig in my underwear drawer, or that memory of that amazing night up at the lake two years ago not only ensures my own sexual satisfaction, but yours too, so can you please explain to me again why this is a bad thing?

Ugh, then again who knows, maybe I’m just being too insensitive.

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