12.22.2008

Balancing Act

As a girlfriend, I am -and I'm going to presume the most of you are too- fully committed to the relationship I'm in and the guy I'm with no question. But as a formerly single girl, I also have some acquaintances left over which don't exactly 'mesh' with my current status. Of course, this doesn't apply to only me, but rather every other girl (and guy) out there who has made this transition from single to coupled-up as well. Now, there are always those whom we have no problem dropping without a second glance in light of our new found love, but there are also one or two who are a little harder to ditch- not because of a continued physical attraction or want, but because of genuine friendship that exists. This presents a very real dilemma: how to find the appropriate balance between boyfriends and guy-friends. How do you maintain a friendship (with someone from the opposite sex), without undermining a relationship? And is this even possible?

What it all comes down to are a few golden rules that will guarantee peace between all parties in this kind of situation, and since it's never going to be 'not-awkward', peaceful is the best we can hope for.

1. Honesty- means everyone knows what the situation is.
  • Your BF is fully aware of the history between you and the 'friend'
  • The 'friend' understands and accepts and supports your relationship with your BF, if he doesn't then unfortunately, that is the end of your friendship right there.
2. Respect- ensures that inappropriate lines won't be crossed.
  • While you have no control over the level of respect between your BF and your friend, you can control yours. Respect for your man and your relationship means not doing anything that might make him look bad, or that he wouldn't understand. Remember, actions speak louder than words.
3. Openness- creates trust.
  • Similar to honesty but not quite the same, openness not only means answering all his questions when he asks, but also offering the information when he doesn't. He might not ask because he doesn't want to be 'that guy', but he definitely is wondering; show him that you have nothing to hide.
I know, this sounds totally cliché, but 'clichés' are cliché for a reason. If you're ever unsure of how your BF is going to take something, pay attention to that; if its appropriate behaviour, you won't question doing it, likewise, if you're having to think about how your going to 'make' him understand, you probably shouldn't be doing it.
You're friendship with a former fling will never and can never be the same as it was, but that's not a bad thing. Things didn't work out for a reason: because you were supposed to meet the guy you're with now. Appreciate that.

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