7.18.2008

Rant!

OK. WTF IS IT WITH ASSHOLES? No seriously, why is it that when a guy is a complete dick, it's the sexiest thing ever? And can you get therapy for this? Because I’m addicted to someone I can't STAND. He's a young, immature, selfish pain in my ass, who for some reason, I’m unable to say no to. And the worst part is that he knows that.
Between friends criticizing my affection for such a jerk on one side, and my own frustrations for letting him affect my relationships with other guys on the other, I’ve had quite the opportunity to ponder this little puzzle for sometime now, and to be honest, I can’t say that I’m any closer to solving it now than I was a year ago. Is it as simple as wanting what you can’t have? Makes sense, here’s what I know so far:

1) There is a ridiculously sexy swagger that comes with this Jerk (notice the capital, that’s because it’s his official title). He’s confident, he’s uncompromising, he’s virtually emotionless, and he has no problem saying 'I know who I am and what I want, and I'm not about to apologize for that ...or for playing with your head to get in your pants'.

2) The traits which he possesses that turn me on in the first place, are the exact same ones that piss me off so much.

3) While I absolutely HATE how he makes me feel about myself, I kind of admire his self-knowledge and arrogance. You see, a Jerk knows he’s bad, and is ok with it, so he won’t hesitate to act ‘inappropriately’ if means getting what he’s after. Think about this for a minute, how often do you come across someone who is actually unafraid to be themselves or admit to what they really want? How often do you just act selfishly regardless of the consequences it might have on you or others? Being 'good' gets old quick, and part of the reason why I (and pretty much every other girl out there) loves me a good Bad Boy, has to do with the fact that he makes me feel a little bad too.

4) He doesn’t want me, and that’s hott (yes, with two Ts). I mean, who the f*ck doesn’t want me!? Who is he to turn me down? It’s frustrating as hell and it’s driving me crazy, in a good way- which is totally bad …and all just a bit too sadomasochistic really.

So what does a girl do? This is where I keep getting stuck. I mean, I know what I should to do- stay away- but I don’t think ignoring him is much of a long term plan ...Or, maybe it is? [Light-bulb moment].

Maybe the fact that I can’t find a better solution, is because there isn’t one? Maybe Bad Boys were put on this earth for exactly this reason: to mess us up so bad that we open our damn eyes up to all the good ones out there! Maybe they’re here to make us realize we deserve more, and seek better for ourselves.

Hmmm, I think I might be on to something here, anyways, he just texted me, gotta go.

Fuck.

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