6.29.2008

F.W.Bs

Carrie: "A fuck buddy is a guy you probably dated once or twice, but it didn't really go anywhere, but the sex was so great, you sort of keep him on call."
Samantha: "He's like a dial-a-dick."

'Friends with Benefits', 'Fuck Friends', 'Pound Pals', call it what you want, it's become a popular theme for girls our age. More convenient than a boyfriend, a 'fuck friend' gives you what you need, while still allowing you to continue on selfishly with your busy little life. Yes it’s hard to not get caught up when the “ooh baby, ya that feels good, I love what you do to me” starts to occur on the regular, but when properly maintained, all that complicated stuff can be avoided. See, things start to go wrong when communication lines gets crossed, or lost altogether, but that’s why there are rules to these kinds of things, rules that are definitely NOT meant to be broken.

1) DO NOT attempt a ‘Friends w/Benefits’ relationship with someone you are emotionally attached or attracted to.
  • This is the big one, the one rule that comes before all others for the sole reason that it sets the course of the relationship. Trying this with someone you really like, will only get you screwed, and not just in the bedroom. (If it’s a relationship you want, stop now, because this is exactly how NOT to do that... trust me, I say this from experience).
2) DO NOT call the next day.
  • One, it makes you seem vulnerable (like you’re the one who’s attached and looking for a relationship), two, distancing yourself from the relationship is key to it's success. (This rule applies to the subject of sleeping over as well, if you HAVE to, ok, but avoid it a.m.a.p.)
3) DO NOT leave any of your crap at his place.
  • Doing this symbolizes that you'll be back, and that's a major no-no. You need to be able to drop this at any given moment, for whatever reason, cleanly.
4) DO NOT change the way you act with him in public (as in hugging or hanging out more often if you weren't previously doing so).
  • People will start to suspect you’re together when you aren’t, which not only takes you ‘off the market’ in the eyes of other 'potentials', but it could also blow your cover (no need to air your dirty laundry in public, it’s tacky).
5) Avoid regular phone calls and conversations.
  • Remember, this is about satisfying needs, not forging a bond. Talking on the phone builds intimacy, and intimacy leads to emotional attachment, WHICH IS COMPLETELY OUT OF THE QUESTION HERE. (see #1)
6) Keep the relationship as one dimensional as possible.
  • Don’t be awkward about it, there is no need to be. The conditions are (or should be) clear for both parties: you’re casual friends for the purpose of mutual satisfaction, if other feelings start to emerge, confront them (together) and abandon the sex.
One night stands make a girl feel cheap, but ‘Friends w/Benefits’ (when done correctly) lets her know what she's getting into. If this is something you want to do, know that it's gonna be WAY harder for you than for him (cuz we're girls and we're just like that); be smart, be safe, and be selfish, and you should find that everything else, will be just fine.

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